Writer's Workshop stuff........
This Weird class i'm taking

This section contains stories that i and other people wrote in our writer's workshop class. most of it doesn't make much or any sense, but since i enjoyed creating these, i suggest you read them. they really are quite humorous.

Writing Relays

this is the strangest writing i've ever done. we do this every day with a partner. write nonsensical stories. i'll probably put a few new ones up each week.



written 8-23-99

"An Afternoon in PC (Panama City)"

by the Empty Set and Carrie Sturtz


Old Jacko the sailor came up to the painted whore Isabella : "You stink bitch! You ugly whore!" Taken aback by such rude rashness, Isabella smacked Old Jacko on his......
At that moment, Alan woke up from his dream about sparklie things. He shook his head to remove several loose string bikinis from his shackles.....they were too tight....the shackles, that is that shaking the string chipmunks. There were chipmunks all about the ship. Killer chipmunks with large red eyes, green fur and 4 legs....they bit and chew on him and whatnot. Evil chipmunks, hundreds of them, then out of the shadows, Old Jacko come out with his buckshot and removed his 8 peg legs. Proceeding to beat alan over the head with 4 and 1/2 of them, he screamed over and over, "I HAVE NO SOUP!" Alan screamed in agony, but felt refreshed after the strenous torture. Isabella threw a spork at Old Jacko from behind a curtain, which caused his middle eye to fall out. Spork, his parrot, was upset by this and proceeded to relieve himself upon Isabella. Spork cried out, "Stupid Whore, Stupid Whore!" and Isabella severed it's carotoid with a spatula. "ARGH!", cried Jacko as he dove overboard and swam with the dolphins.


*if this seems normal to you, i advise you to seek help immediately*



August 25, 1999:

"Turn your head and Cough"

again written by Alan Fay and Caroline Sturtz

Billy walked into the tastefully decorated doctor's office. Animal skeletons and a full human skeleton dressed as a mime added to the cheerful decor. After looking around nervously for a moment, he walked up to the receptionist and was told to go in and wait for in the doctor's office. He walked through a door and down a hallway. Different sounds could be heard through several closed doors, and none of them sounded quite normal. Billy swore he heard a chicken clucking behind one of them.
He found his doctor's room, the last one on the right. After sitting himself in a chair he began looking around, waiting for the doctor to arrive. It was his first checkup since he was a child, and he was nervous. He hated doctors. The door opened and a yound blonde woman in a lab coat entered the room. "This is the doctor?" Billy thought to himself while smiling. "Hi, I'm Dr.Kay," said the woman. "Getting a checkup today, are we?" Billy nodded. "Well, let's get started then. Please take off your shirt." Billy hesistated for a moment and then lifted his tee shirt over his head and placed it on the table. She put a cold stethescope on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. "Everything sounds good. Now please remove your pants. Billy shrugged and dropped his jeans to the floor. He then looked at the doctor expectantly. "Boxers too, please," the doctor said in a cheerful tone. Billy just stared at her. "Please remove your boxers," the doctor said again. Billy did so and turned bright red as the woman reached for him and said, "Turn your head and cough." Now he remembered WHY he hated doctors.
"Hey! What's that sound?" asked Billy. "It sounds like.....music...." Dr.Kay, still holding to Billy, smiled and said, "That's right, it's playing Foxy Lady!" Billy turned red in the face yet again as Dr.Kay began to stare at him with lust-laden eyes.
"Bravo! Excellente!" said the director, from the back of the set. "Keep on filming, the action's getting hot!" Dr.Kay pulled off her blouse as Billy was getting more and more....embarassed. He was just about to say something when Dr.Kay shoved a thermometer into his half open mouth. "Mmmm...," she said, "This will be one checkup you'll never forget." Billy could hardly take it anymore. "Dr.Kay! Stop this at once!"
"But Billy, you haven't given us a sperm donation yet!" At that point she pulled up her skirt, showing off her fine.....garter belt. Billy closed his eyes, it was so embarassing! "Keep it coming, we've got some great footage here!" shouted the director. "Bring out the bondage aspect....." Dr.Kay pulled out a few scapels and needles and laughed.

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